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Love Me or Hate Me, It's Still An Obsession, Don't like my writings?
Well that just sucks for you now, doesn't it
XOXO
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You know the way, yet you're at loss. You keep trying to find.
To reach yourself.
You keep falling. Pushed down by idiotic bombshells of life.
You can't put your thoughts into words.
Things seem more complex than they ought to be.
XOXO
Super Massive Black Hole.
So here I am, once again. :) Was I missed? Doubt so :P
Life has been.. Shit. Mid Year Exams -ohmygod- are approaching, so I suppose I will be dead soon.
Science, oh dear SCIENCE why do you have to be so difficult now? Maths is a killer as usual, and Literature.. well I only bought the text recently. Gambarrimsu :)
So much has happened since the last time I updated. SO MUCH. And if you're close to me, I'm guessing you'll know.
Usually, when I post I'm either overly hyper, or sad. This time though, I'm rather angry. Pissed.
Someone deserves to be taopoked by Afiqah. Okay, maybe we'll pull out his testicles too and stick it in his mouth so he can choke on it. It isn't easy to forget someone, but you shouldn't reserve space in your heart for someone who doesn't make the effort to stay. Someone who insults you just for the sake of insulting you, and wonders why you get offended. Someone who's never satisfied. Full of complaints. Comparisons. Criticisms. You. Don't deserve a glance from me. No matter how much you try to paint me black, you're still the black hole. The bigger asshole. I better stop before I rant anymore.
Anyway, meet my new best friend HANISAH :D *skips in arm in arm with Hanisah* We've got so much in common. Our hair, our school. And. Stuff. Talk soon babe :D
People, better keep reminding me to update this thing. If not it'll be like 270108549197391 years till I get around to it.
Peace and Love.
XOXO.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010 - 10:07:00 PM
UHOH.
Last night, I couldn't sleep at all. My mind was set on overdrive, the clock was laughing in my face.
I notice that almost every night, I'm so full of thoughts. And lyrics. It's like I'm blogging in my head, but when I finally sit down in front of this dang laptop.. Words don't come out. :x. (see I'm getting stuck now).
I doubt people even bother to read by blog anymore. But thanks anyway, to those few people who are bored enough to stop by this pathetic blog of mine :)
Found out recently that my dear friend is attached to Hanisah of 2N2. I had suspected this, but he just confirmed with me. :) Hope they last long.
Same goes to my dearest Darling STELLA who is fresh out of the "All The Single Ladies" title. :P I am so so happy for this dear girl.
Oops, hope I didn't let out any names I shouldn't have. Oh well.
Well that's all for now,
XOXO.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010 - 9:50:00 PM
I'm Scared.
I wonder if hurt is a recurring thing. Maybe so.
I am so scared. Of everything. I think it's come to a point that I can't cope anymore.
Marriage is a promise. For God's sake, A PROMISE. A commitment. A relationship. Guys, remember this before you say your Goddamned vows of eternal love or whatever. Think about it before you say those words. Before you sign that certificate, even though it's a mere piece of paper, think about what it symbolizes.
Miss Nuki comes back on Wednesday after what seems like, FOREVER. And I'm scared. I'm scared because, I have no idea what I'm doing. Let's face it, I can't dance. Yet. I will get better. I will learn how to move. I will pick up this talent, this skill, that seems so hard for me. I promised Miss Nuki this. I promised myself this.
It's hard to trust. You. You broke my trust. You broke her trust. What kind of person are you? WHAT. "I couldn't care less cause I hate that bitch anyway. Call her. Go ahead. I couldn't care less."
Everything is piling up. How the hell do you do DnT. I have DnT homework overdue since weeks ago. I don't get it. No, it's not that my parents aren't strict enough. It's not that I don't care, or I don't make an effort. I'm just unable. Argh. Blame it on whatever you want Billie. You suck.
I DON'T WANNA BE FRIENDS. I LIED. I LOVE YOU.
XOXO.
PS: I hate my blogskin.
Monday, February 22, 2010 - 9:37:00 PM
Lemonade.
Blood on my hands to stay strong.
The flowers in the graveyard all are gone, I don't belong.
There is no right to heal the wrong.
Soup's on hot it's feeling like do or die.
Can't throw up don't think I even want to try." -Lemon by Katy Rose.
BILLIE IS BACK.
I realized that the last time I updated my blog.. was in January. Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year already passed and I'm still so far behind? Well you see, I can't blog unless I have the "blogging mood". Where the words come free flowing and I don't have to think much about what it is I am writing.
I think from reading my previous blog posts, one might think that I'm emotional, sad and depressed. The ANGSTY teenager.
For the Chinese New Year holidays, I stayed at home rather than taking a trip to Malaysia as I intended to spend some time with friends. Instead, I rotted at home for the most part, listening to Lynneh go on and on about how much she bought at Cotton On and New Look and Forever 21. "OhmygodtheyhadasaleandIbought2skirtsforonly15dollars!" and "Mycheongsamisbeadedandgorgeous!" Who ever uses words like GORGEOUS now anyway? Lynneh Lynnyly Lynn. Don't worry babe, I still love you.
The bathroom light is flickering. I don't remember turning it on. Can you believe Miss Purana corrected me for saying bathroom instead of toilet?
Afiqah and Nhita helped me with my maths today. I really needed it. I can't get anything out of Mr. Ong's lessons, and my maths sucks basketballs to begin with. Sad life, I know. But I'm glad I managed to understand direct proportions. Afiqah and Nhita were really patient with me, though I was frequently getting distracted by stuff. Thanks both of you, love you guys.
Whoa that post was boring, but it was good enough just for an update :D More later.
XOXO.
PS. Fat corn crazy Afiqah XianShu Priscilla .
Wednesday, February 17, 2010 - 10:08:00 PM
If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall
I feel like I'm pmsing non stop. Everything will be alright. But one little comment made by anyone can set me off. Either into sadness or anger. Glen, Afiqah, Stella, Rahul, Isaiah, Mommy, I'm sorry. You all must think I'm some psycho. God, I don't want this. I am the cause of most of my stress. I don't even know what's happening to me.
My problems are so trivial compared to others. I wont write it here though. People are dying from cancer out there. People come from broken families. People are born into brothels. People come from abusive families. People are orphans.
During our first Literature lesson some weeks ago, Mr. Fadly asked the class who they'd want to be if they could live as anyone for a day. I think I'd want to live as someone who is living in a war zone. Or someone who is constantly beaten by her husband. I want to know what they feel, just for a day. So that I can learn to appreciate my life more.
Well that's all for now. Don't worry people I ain't "emo" :D
Love ya all.
How I miss you.
XOXO.
He loves you. I love you. We don't hate you, babe. I'm sorry. Can't you see?
Friday, January 29, 2010 - 8:34:00 PM
Ignorance is your new best friend.
Caleb: are u the one who lives in california or the one who lives in like japan?
Billie: I'm the one who used to live in Japan but now lives in Singapore. You do know where Singapore is on the map right?
Caleb: yea lol its in europe.
Billie: NO. Singapore is in ASIA.
Caleb: lol isnt asia and china like the same place
Billie: China is IN Asia. Anyway I'm not your Geography teacher.
Caleb: yea lol.
WUUTHAFACK. And he's like the son of this Pastor. Educate your children for God's sake.
XOXO
Saturday, January 23, 2010 - 10:03:00 PM
Love.
It's coming to the end of January already. 2010. Where did all that time go? All that time wasted. Stop wasting time people. Life is precious and short.
Someone told me that, what I lack isn't self confidence or self esteem. What I lack is SELF LOVE. I don't love myself. Do I? I ro know. Hard to say. I think I have serious issues sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I should go for counseling. And why am I writing THIS on my blog? I don't know. Maybe to keep it staying alive. Somehow. Is it attention seeking? Maybe. Everyone one seeks attention. Somehow or other. We are all attention seekers. I can't use my pencil case anymore. You see, I don't get the point of self harm. I suppose for some people it makes them feel like they're "in control" . Makes them feel better. To each his own.
My poor wittle pencil case was a birthday present. For my 13th birthday 2 years ago. And I destroyed it completely. The first time, I was pissed off at my dad. I can't remember what he did. Gosh, how immature of me. The second time, I was sad about.. something. It was during the December holidays. I suppose I missed people. My pencil case got pretty shredded but it wasn't too bad. Still useable. And today, I just totally destroyed it. Am I psychotic? Perhaps. Too bad. Probably another "teen angst" thing I frequently get classified into. It really pushes my buttons when adults say that.
"She's just disagreeing because she's a teenager."
"Why are you so surprised she bought that shirt? It looks so teenage. "
Stereotypes. Bleagh. Well that's me. A typical "angsty" teen. Billie the Disturbed. I am disturbed. I dreamt of asking some lobsters at a kampong house for directions and then the lobsters started having sex and there was a porcupine cat dog animal running at my feet and I was scared.
Yes, I am Billie the Disturbed. Can you still love me for that. Self love. I can't find you.
"The name she gave was Caroline. Daughter of a miner. And her ways were free. It seemed to me. Sunshine walked beside her.."
XOXO.
Friday, January 22, 2010 - 10:39:00 PM
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